Depression and loneliness, aka The Big Sad, are not something I often want to acknowledge, let alone talk about. 

I’m the master of shoving my negative emotions in a mason jar, screwing the lid on tight, then leaving it forgotten in the back of my fridge. I don’t like to talk about those things, especially when I’m feeling them and especially when life around me is…fine. It’s normal. 

So why do I feel like everything is falling apart? 

An extrovert’s nightmare 

I’m an extrovert to the extreme. In today’s society and the popularity of anti-social memes, sometimes I feel like I’m the only extrovert I really know. I know so many people who would love to just stay indoors and not see anyone for days on end. But to me? That sounds like a complete nightmare. 

So imagine my trepidation when I heard we were going to be snowed in for a few days. Everyone around me gushed about how excited they were to have an excuse to not go anywhere. 

I have this thought sometimes. I think about what would happen to me if I had to survive for a long period of time with no contact with anyone. Deep down, I’ve always worried I wouldn’t really survive that scenario, while another part of me thinks I could do it no problem. Well, no matter if I thought I could or not, I was going to have a chance to prove it with this storm. 

Day 1 – Sunday 

I woke Sunday morning, rolled out of bed, and glanced outside. It was coming down fast and thick, and already there was a good three or four inches of powder on the ground. No driving anywhere. Church was canceled. The snowstorm had officially begun. 

I went downstairs, made myself breakfast, brewed some coffee, and started my day off with worship and the word. I baked, I taught myself to crochet, I read, I watched shows, cleaned my whole kitchen, and I called my family. 

By 5 pm, the Big Sad hit, and I felt so utterly alone. I pushed that feeling down. I could survive this. I didn’t need to see someone face-to-face. I could do it. By ten, I decided to get ready for bed, called my boyfriend to say goodnight, and hit the hay. Day one: survived. 

Day 2 – Monday 

I woke up feeling awful. Disconnected. I worshiped, made some coffee, ate some breakfast, and got to work on my writing. I went through all of it quietly, that heavy feeling so present in my chest that it almost felt like I was wearing a weighted blanket. I called my sister. I read. I cleaned up the house, hoping that doing some chores would help. 

By 5, I texted Lucy and Rebekah asking if they wanted to come over for dinner. I couldn’t take it anymore. Instead, they invited me to come eat the tacos they were having. I quickly threw on a pair of boots, my jacket, and jogged the thirty-foot walk it takes to get to their house from my front door. 

I came inside, let out a sigh as I kicked my boots off, walked into their kitchen, and promptly burst into tears. 

I was so happy to see someone else, to feel that weight lift off me.

Then, I felt the shame. 

I couldn’t even go twenty-four hours without being desperate to see another human being. If I were shipwrecked on an island alone, I would die. There’s no question about it. Let’s not mention the fact that I have zero survival skills. The isolation alone would do me in. 

After the breakdown 

We ate tacos. Lucy and Rebekah didn’t mind me crying, and they didn’t think I was pathetic for missing basic human connection. We talked, we laughed, we ate, and then we read each other the first draft of our novels that we’re working on. 

I went home and woke up the next morning feeling a thousand times better. 

Sometimes, we can’t avoid the thing that brings us to a breaking point. There are seasons where we have to go outside a lot, talk to people, be surrounded by them, and there are seasons where we have to stay inside, in isolation. It’s not about whether you can survive living with a dozen people in tight spaces or survive living in complete and total isolation. 

It’s about being honest about how you feel, trusting your friends, and being honest with them too. God created us for connection. No matter if you’re introverted or not. 

So maybe I couldn’t survive stranded on a deserted island, completely and totally alone. That’s not really what I’m doing right now anyway, right? I’m in Ohio, surrounded by a church family that loves God and loves me well. If I were on an island, alone, I feel like God would have a plan and we’d go from there. 

It can be so hard to be honest when you’re not feeling joyful. I never want to be depressed or feel lonely, and I especially don’t want to feel those things when there’s nothing “Bad” happening to me. But life goes on, and sometimes we feel crappy.

It’s not a failure to rely on your friends when that happens, and maybe…just maybe, they actually want you to talk to them about your feelings. 

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Lorraine, the main character in my latest book, stuffs her feelings too. It’s a whole process for her to admit when anything is wrong, and then another process for her to actually face it.

This might be a time travel, sci-fi kind of story, but really, it’s more about grief. It’s about living your life, no matter how mundane or crazy it is, and taking that next step forward.

Call It Consequences is a #1 New Release and you can get it from all major retailors! Plus, it’s free for Kindle Unlimted.

Don’t wait, get yourself a copy today! 

Click here!

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