Would you look at that–I’m alive!

I’m back from summer vacation, and I have a question for you:

Are your friendships infected with envy?

Unrealistic hypotheticals.

“Woah, Lou,” you say. “Coming on a bit strong today–we all just got back here!”

I know, I know, but bear with me. It’s gonna be good!

I was texting with my mom the other day. She told me she made spicy shrimp for dinner.

I was like “Hey, that’s great! Enjoy your shrimp.”

And immediately my brain decided to play out a negative scenario.

It went like this:

Mom: Haha, very funny…
Me: What?
Mom: Why would you say that’s good? You don’t like spicy things and you don’t like shrimp.

First of all, that sounds sort of silly doesn’t it? But in the moment, spontaneous hypotheticals like this one are pretty loud and discouraging. It was like a hiss–a “why are you lying to me” type hiss.

Now, I really don’t like shrimp and I have the spice tolerance of an infant. But my actual mom doesn’t hiss at me like that. This was just the enemy trying to make me anxious over nothing–over a completely unrealistic hypothetical.

So, in my head, I told the fake mother in my brain: “It doesn’t matter that I don’t like spicy shrimp. I’m happy for you because I know you like spicy shrimp.”

And I paused, then thought: “Why do I think my excitement for others has to stem from envy?”

Check, please.

That was one of those times where I had to stop and re-examine the headspace I operate from.

Without realizing it, do I treat people according to a jealous nature? Am I happy for them only when I wish I was in their shoes?

Or maybe– is that how I assume other people operate? It’s easy to walk around with the idea that my friends only care about me if I’m doing stuff they already care about. Like I’m a side dish.

But that’s not a healthy way of thinking, and it’s also not true. I yap about plenty of stuff my friends don’t care about (*cough* Supernatural)–if they only liked me for shared interests, they’d’ve been long gone by now (I’m joking, but like…think about it, there’s truth to that!)

So this is me popping in to remind you that envy should not smother one person’s excitement about the accomplishments of another. Nor should it be the root. If envy is the basis of all the cheerleading in a friendship, then eventually that friendship is going to fall apart.

Your friends are not a side dish.

You’re not a side dish either.